Rest in Joy

I had the immense good fortune, and true blessing, of having the opportunity to learn from this amazing woman. She was a nun in the order of the Sisters of Notre Dame, a sensei in the White Plumb Asanga, one of the founders of the Shalem Institute for Spiritual Formation (through which I met her), and one of the gentlest, fiercest, most spiritually profound, and delightfully mischievous people I have ever met. My friend Ethel Hornbeck describes her as, “a kind spiritual badass.”

Two stories stand out for me as I think of Rose Mary.  During one of the residencies in Shalem's Spiritual Guidance program, it snowed overnight -- a lot.  My friends Ethel, Scott, and I were sitting at lunch, wishing that we'd brought sleds, or ski, or something (because there was a perfect hill outside).  As I remember it, Rose Mary must have overheard us, because as she walked by to bring her dishes into the kitchen she leaned over and said, quietly, "I think that there are some really big trays in the back of the kitchen."  She didn't tell us to go out and have fun sledding, yet she did remind us just how playful the Spirit can be.

The second story is one I think of often.  During one of her talks on spiritual direction she told us about the time she walked with a directee on the grounds of the convent.  The sun was warm, the air was still, and she was exhausted (from traveling, as I recall).  Along the path there was a large tree with a circular bench around it.  The two sat, with the tree between them, and as the directee talked, Rose Mary fell asleep!  She woke up, noticed that their session was up, and brought their time together to a close.  

She said that she felt awful, and was trying to figure out how to apologize to the man.  But he called her ... to say that it was one of their most powerful sessions!  She was a little relieved to know that he apparently hadn't noticed her extended silence, yet was also a little chagrined that one of this person's most helpful sessions with her had been one which, for all extents and purposes, she wasn't present for.  Cautiously, so as to give nothing away, she asked what about the session had been so important to him.  He said that it was her ability to listen to her without getting defensive, and she learned that he'd been talking about his feelings about women, authority figures, and the Catholic church.  As a female authority figure in the Catholic church, she might well have become defensive, yet because of her "absence" he had been able to speak freely.

After telling us this story she said something like, "Now, I'm not recommending that you fall asleep during a session ..."  It was a great reminder that, ultimately, the mysterious, mischievous, playful Spirit which comes and goes as it will is the most important element in this work.

Rose Mary died last week.  I thank God for her life, for the chance to have known her even just a little, and for the truth that (as I say at memorial services and believe with all my heart) -- life is stronger than death, and love is stronger than anything.  I would say, "rest in peace," but I do believe that that would get too boring for this remarkable soul.  So, instead, rest in joy, Sister.


Pax tecum,

RevWik